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Too many prejudices, and little to be present. This is how most parents try to cope with our children's adolescence. We are not aware of what is happening to them, because in reality, perhaps we are not present to know what is happening to us.
Many moms ask me how I manage my son's Preadolescence and Adolescence (who is now on his way to 15 years); and I have to confess, this question surprises me. But yes, maybe my experience will help you: I'll explain how to know if my son entered adolescence.
Damian, he is a very special Being, and not because he does special things or because I, who adore him, consider him that way. It is special, for the simple fact of being a young man growing in joy, responsibility, love and, why not, fun. My only mission as a mother is to ACCOMPANY HIM ... Accompany him, in what he brings me and what he does not bring me, what he tells me, what he doesn't, what he tells me and what he doesn't, in his few kisses and hugs, and in their few looks and / or joint outings.
This is how I realized that Damian was on his way to adolescence, and not because his hair had grown, his voice was lower or his height exceeded mine ... I realized something was changing when:
- The ozone layer at home, was beginning to damage because of so much deodorant and perfume. The times in the bathroom were ... well, they are ... too long and also, with the latch thrown.
- He is worried about fashion, she wants brand clothes or a change of hairstyle, often. In addition, it uses a different language ... "in plan ..." influencers, youtubers, says tacos ...
- Listen to rap or romantic music… Or spend time watching videos of some boys, who tell how they play video games. Or playing their own video games.
- You want to go out with your friends a little more often than before, have fun, celebrate birthdays without games, share with others, spend more time away from home ...
- Of course, start taking care of your diet and he does more sports ... the cult of the body has just been awakened.
- It is true, that he does not like to answer many questions, but sometimes, we don't need answers if we can observe their non-verbal language.
And I knew that my son was getting older, when he began to use with me, my answers, reasoning, phrases, or coaching techniques, which until now I had used with him.
As parents, I appeal to PRESENCE, but not the presence of our children, but our own presence, BEING to be with them. Otherwise, his non-verbal language, his signs of change, his affection and his life will escape us. I appeal to BE AN EXAMPLE, so that we do not teach anything, but rather learn by seeing ourselves Being. If at home, I am loving, communicate, express, share, make decisions, act and smile, my son will imitate me. Likewise, if I am in a bad mood, angry, sad, or answer wrongly. I also think it is important to treat them for what they are, and not as what we want or would like them to be. ACCEPT THEM, as they are, and as I mentioned before, ACCOMPANY THEM, in this stage of life, but not with our eyes, but with theirs. Try to remember what happened to you, when you were his age ... For me, it has worked many times!
And finally, of course I am, I am afraid, but I manage it not to transmit it to him, and at the same time, I trust life and this, it is not necessary to tell him, I simply do it and he notices it.
And of course, do not restrict your affection to their behavior. He has to know that we are going to love him, whatever he does, which does not mean that if he does something that is not typical of family values, it will have its consequences. And there, the limits must continue to function so that they feel safe on the path of life.
And these are the three 'A's that will help you with your adolescent son: Accept him, accompany him and Love him !!
You can read more articles similar to How to know if my child entered adolescence, in the category of Teen Stages on site.