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After two years trying to stay pregnant, plus another year of light hormonal treatment to control ovulations, plus three attempts at artificial insemination failed, they leave anyone to drag. I tried not to show that I felt worried and nervous, I did not want to fall apart because I knew that I still had an opportunity 'in vitro fertilization'. That had to be the final one!
I tell you the emotional avatars that women usually go through until they reach in vitro fertilization.
To be honest, I never felt downcast, sad or defeated. This was a long-distance race in which she was willing to reach the finish line and succeed, it was only a matter of time.
When you find yourself at the gates of in vitro you have already come a hard way, so we could say that it was entering the final stretch, although like all good long distance races, this was the most intense stage that I had to go through; and if it didn't work out there would be no more opportunities.
For me, the hardest part of the whole process of various fertility treatments, which lasted 5 years and culminated in the pregnancy of my two twins, it was the first three years.
My mother used to say that she got pregnant just by looking at underwear, so I figured it would be the same; but the truth is that, after two years of failed attempts, in which every time my period came down it was a national drama, I surrendered to the evidence that I had to go to the gynecologist to take action.
The measurements lasted 3 more years, in which there were also no positive results in the pregnancy test: 8 months of ovarian stimulation, 6 months of artificial insemination, a rest and the expected in vitro. But the worst was not me internal fight against the part of my mind that I imagined cradling the cat for the rest of my life, but the part where I had to include my partner, because it was clear that this was a thing of two.
When you have been taking hormones to ovulate for a whole month, and those two or three days arrive when you can get pregnant, it turns out that he gets sick, or a business trip comes up, or is totally apathetic no matter how much you wear your clothes indoor on saturday nights. That's when they arise couple conversations nothing pleasant and that breaks the magic of the relationship. The tension it is palpable in the environment, causing the opposite effect to what you need.
The truth is that when we got over that stage, everything was much more smooth and relaxed for both of us. It was time for artificial insemination and we had 3 more chances before reaching the in vitro. We exhausted them all, and one by one I suffered them while looking at the negative pregnancy test. My head told me 'you're calm, the time will come, don't stress out'; and on the other hand, my results in hormonal blood tests they shouted: 'you have the stress hormone (prolactin) higher than Kilimanjaro and if it does not go down you will not get pregnant', so I was stressed more by being stressed.
How I felt? Well, on a roller coaster. There were days when I was looping upside down and with the air against my face, that is, very sensitive and nervous; and others, in what was at the top of the slope thinking 'today is my day, let's go for it!'.
The hormones didn't affect me much emotionally. They said I would experience some humor changes, But the truth is that there were no more changes than I normally had, but I know from friends that this is not always the case.
In vitro gave me new hope. Science usually triumphs in these cases where nature relaxes, but it could not forget that it had no more opportunities to be biological mother.
The process was short and simple, barely a very intense month and a half. More hormones, more pricks, a little intervention to extract the eggs, a laborious process in the laboratory, and finally, the moment of implantation.
There was no dinner by candlelight, or courtship dance, it was on a stretcher and in just half an hour, but I had the opportunity to see live, through a ultrasound, as they deposited my two incipient daughters with great care in a little corner within me, something that few can do.
And then came the wait longest I've ever lived. Fifteen days of trying to notice any change in my body, however minimal. Fifteen days of uncertainty, hope, fear, not jumping, not getting nervous, laughing, crying, screaming, silence ... until I couldn't take it anymore, I bought a pregnancy test at the pharmacy and one morning together with my couple I put all my hopes and nerves in that eternal pee.
Positive, and twins!, (I found out about the twins later, of course)
So, if this is your case, I encourage you with all my might not to despair, because if any thought helped me throughout the process, it was to believe that I was going to get pregnant! What I didn't know was when ... It was just a matter of have patience.
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