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The insecure child is a withdrawn, fearful child, a child with fear of failure, of losing the attention or affection of his parents or reference adults. He is a child afraid of making a fool of himself, a child with low self-esteem who needs to regain self-confidence in order to develop personally, emotionally and socially. Today we propose 5 strategies to help the insecure child.
The insecure child feels clumsy in the face of any new task or activity that he has to do or that he has faced before without success. Parents, teachers, and other educators can help the insecure child regain that much-needed lost or undeveloped security.
We must start by boosting his self-esteem but also accepting frustration so that he understands that failures are new opportunities for success, learning opportunities that he must take advantage of and not just an adverse result that defeats his purposes. For this we propose 5 strategies to help the insecure child, strategies that will help him to strengthen his self-esteem and self-concept as well as to overcome failures.
1. Praise him instead of criticizing him. Parents must offer children the suffering confidence in themselves so that they are capable of facing any task, challenge or circumstance that may arise. This is achieved by encouraging him, sincerely praising him, encouraging him when he is learning to walk, read, play an instrument, but also when he does other daily tasks such as setting the table, talking to a neighbor, keeping order in his room, or simply when play.
The constant criticism, the 'How clumsy you are!', 'It's been you again', 'Leave that, you're going to break it!' or other similar phrases… they violate the self-esteem and self-concept of our children, reducing their security and confidence in themselves. If we want a child who trusts himself, we must begin by conveying to him that we trust him.
2. Give him responsibilities according to his age. A child learns to trust himself and what he is capable of doing as he has opportunities to face different responsibilities.
An overprotected child, who is not allowed to do anything for himself because he always has someone to do it for him, is a child who will learn to think that he is not capable of doing all that Mom or Dad does for him. He will be a child who will grow up thinking that he will always need someone by his side to overcome any adversity. If we want our child to stop being an insecure child or to not become one of them, we must promote their autonomy and independence, offering them tasks and responsibilities according to their age.
3. Play, laugh, dance, enjoy. In most cases, insecure children are rigid children in their behavior, they do not allow themselves to be carried away by fear of ridicule or criticism, so it is important that they learn to enjoy playing, laughing or dancing in the company of other children or adults. They should see ourselves, their parents or educators, performing these actions, observe that nothing is happening, that it is fun to laugh at oneself.
4. Minimize failures. For a child to regain self-confidence, failures must be experienced as new opportunities for success, not as paralyzing and frustrating. This is not possible if you live or in a family with rigid educational styles, authoritarian or with false expectations. Educational styles that do not tolerate failure and that generate insecurity.
It is necessary to fail to learn, it is necessary to fall many times before learning to walk, we lower expectations and minimize the small failures or mistakes that our children make. Every failure teaches man something he needed to learn. Charles Dickens, English writer and novelist.
5. Train positive thinking, self-reinforcement. This last strategy provides children with the opportunity to believe in themselves, they must learn to encourage themselves, motivate themselves, say positive things to themselves, change their internal speech. Change the 'I don't know how to do it' for an 'I don't know how to do it yet', change the 'I know I can't' to 'and what happens if I try?', Change the 'how bad I have done it' for 'a very good, I have tried, next time it will surely be better'.
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