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The 4 steps to stop your child when he says 'I hate you'

The 4 steps to stop your child when he says 'I hate you'


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Maybe you ever hit one of your parents (or both) a: 'I hate you'… Do you remember how old you were? Do you remember why it was and how you felt afterwards? If the answer is YES, it will be clear to you that you were not serious, whether you were small or younger. You will surely remember that it was your way to show your absolute frustration Either because they didn't buy you something you wanted, because they punished you with something that really hurt you, they denied you a permit or something similar that led to it.

We tell you what they are the steps to stop your child when they say 'I hate you'. This is how you should react.

If after thinking about the moment when (as a child), you said 'I hate you' to one of your parents, if you continue on in your memories, it is likely that you are clear that you probably had not finished saying it, when Guilt was already suffocating you Even if you weren't able to recognize it then

Trying to think in these terms helps us better understand a similar situation if we now have to live it "on the other side of the barrier" and consequently, be able to respond in the best way.

Now we will try to analyze the situation in parts:

1. At the beginning. Obviously, this is not a situation that we would like to face but that sometimes comes unexpectedly (in this case we go directly to the strategies for after the bombing), but in others, it is the result of a series of events that we can perhaps stop.

2. Postpone the trigger. Nobody like us knows our children and knows what triggers the worst in them ... If we are clear about this and begin to realize that we are approaching a moment of crisis, we can wait until our child is calmer to press it.

- For example, if you are insisting that we buy you something, we can tell you that at the moment it is impossible but that we can design a plan so that you can have it soon and that we will talk about it later, without giving a resounding NO that can frustrate you and lead you to a negative verbal expression.

- If we are scolding him for something he did and we want to announce the consequence, which we know will cause an overwhelming reaction in him, we can conclude the scolding and tell him that the consequence we will let him know later, when tempers are calmer. This way we not only avoid taking the situation to the extreme, but we model that when we are angry it is better to wait to avoid getting out of control.

- If it is a permit that you are insisting on in an uncontrolled way, we can tell you that it is complicated, leaving the reasons clear, but that we will decide later. This gives you time to chew on the idea that you most likely can't have it, and we give you the opportunity to react less impulsively.

- And so on depending on the issue that is relevant. Sometimes this technique can work to avoid a crisis that can end badly; However, many times it is not possible to anticipate, because several of these reactions occur impulsively, that is, the child or young person does not stop to think about what they are going to say or do, but rather they say the first thing their own chooses. mind to cause harm.

3. During the crisis. If unfortunately we get to the moment of the dreaded phrase or others like that, the best we can do is not over-react and close the discussion. We cannot over-react to this phrase as if it were true, we must remember at all times that we are the adult and we cannot follow this discussion with more aggression or drama. We can better tell you that we know that what you are saying is probably a product of your emotion or anger; that we will not continue that conversation until he calms down and not continue to engage in a discussion that may cause further collateral damage.

4. After the crisis.By now your child is probably feeling really bad about having said hurtful things and will be more receptive to having a conversation:

- Try to put yourself in his place not to justify him but to understand him and be able to carry the conversation in the best terms.

- Help him to name his emotions. Try to get him to talk to you about how he felt based on his age, whether it was anger, frustration, shame, fear, etc. And tell him how it made you feel that he talked to you like that. Explain that the fact that it happened this time is a lesson in how things can get out of control and that words can do a lot of damage if we get carried away by impulse. Make it clear that you don't resent him, but that such a reaction is not acceptable.

Of course, if a situation like this is repeated frequently, It is time to seek the opinion and support of a professional because it may be that there is behind a more complex situation to pay attention to.

You can read more articles similar to The 4 steps to stop your child when he says 'I hate you', in the category of Conduct on site.


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