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It is very common to hear moms and dads expressions such as the following: "behave well", "if you don't behave well, we leave the park", "how many times do I have to tell you to behave well" or even "if you behave well you I will buy a gift ”.
But ... are we doing the right thing? We explain why you should stop saying to your child 'be good' constantly.
In my case, in many contexts in which I move: park, school, shopping center, children's shows, theme park ..., I hear it very often ..., and I wonder Does the little one really understand what his mother is asking of him with that "be good"? I hear it so much that I really come to think that they do not know what is required of them, that they do not know what they should do at that moment ..., since that request, that order, is already being used so often that it no longer makes sense. , if at any time it did.
Well… Where do we put the boundary between a child who behaves well or misbehaves? Is a child really bad? Or that behavior or attitude can be the result of hunger, fatigue, boredom, need for attention? ...
Let us reflect on whether the meaning that the adult gives is the same as that given by the boy or the girl ..., that "behave yourself" ..., it means the same for the doctor's waiting room, that for when we do the shopping together or when I say goodbye of my son at the school door ..., but really, what do I mean by that "behave yourself"? ... maybe to be still, even if he is 5 years old and it is frankly complicated, or I mean that he does not let go of my hand while we go shopping ... or I mean that he does not bother me.
The best thing is to say what we really need from them and they in different contexts. What is necessary is to explain to them where we are going, why we are going and how it is required to be in that place or with those people.
It is important to decode our usual phrase "behave yourself" and explain in a simple and clear way what we expect behavior to be. For example, using a loving tone and with positivity, we can do it like this:
- 'Now we are going to go shopping at the market, I need you to be aware of me as I will be of you, that you be by my side at all times. We are going to buy fruit and some meat. So you can help me. Then we'll find a while and a space for you to play and run, if you want. '
- 'Then I need you to accompany me to the doctor, today I am not feeling well. There it is necessary that we keep the volume low and that you are as calm as possible. I'll bring you some notebooks to paint if you want. Then at home, you can play for a little while. '
- 'Enjoy your day at school very much today! Be attentive to everything the teacher says and asks, in order to learn a lot. Play as much as you can, when you touch and have fun with all your friends. '
If we make them accomplices of these situations, and we explain them to them, We are also making them participate, valuing their active accompaniment, increasing their self-esteem, enhancing that secure bond, explaining what we expect of them ..., and a host of positive aspects that are added if we eliminate that "behave yourself".
You can read more articles similar to Why You Should Stop Telling Your Child 'Be Good', in the category of On-site Education.